Bye Bye Shortie

Shortie pass away on 14-Sept-2021 between 1-2am

She was diagnose with myxomatous mitral valve disease by gasing vet on mid July 2021 after i notice that she was coughing quite bad in the morning and having heavy breathing. 

She was already in stage c which is similar as cancer stage 4. 

On the night before she pass away , she was a bit quiet and i notice tat her eye was crusting and watery. I tot because she was dirty as i did not bath her for 2-3 weeks. 

Did not i know that she was going to pass away that night. The time before we all sleep , she give me a long final look . At that time i did not think of anything different. I give her a usual pet and kiss on the head. She will normally sleep on the floor of our bedroom but that night she insist on sleeping under the table next to our bed. I sleep next to her that night.

I found out that she pass away in the middle of the night when i realized suddenly the whole room was very quiet. When i touch her only i realized she no longer breathing. I do not know why that day i woke up around 1am. Maybe i am so use to her heavy breathing which calms me to sleep. 

She was having bad cough for weeks and that night as she cough badly , i told God that maybe is time to take her away and i think god actually answer my prayer. 

I am glad that she pass away in her sleep together in the bedroom with the family.

She was my eldest daughter and my loyal companion. 

10 years of life together 

Maybe is time for her to go 

I hope you and daddy are reunited ... and hope u both will fetch me when my time is up 

 

New Chapter of my life

 We are moving back to Subang after building our life in Penang for the pass 13 years ..... 

Background for the move was to be there for my dad during his fight on cancer. I started to look for opening in Kl/Selangor. However towards end of 2020 , i was really desperate as daddy's needs and condition was getting worst.

I went through like few interviews and honestly it was really taxing and brain draining . Every job interview , i have to go through 2-3 rounds on interviews. First 3 companies , i manage to get through to 2nd interview but no news after that. 

Towards end of Jan , i roughly have high confidence that i will be getting offer on this position  for external PM . Hr from the company ask me to wait as there's a restructure and they are closing this job offer and will open again in near future. I wasn't keen on this job as firstly PM role wasn't something i interested in (bad experience in MSI) and also because is a lady boss.

Than right before CNY , i got a 2nd interview and than 3rd interview and got the job offer... 

When i tender my resignation , i told my boss that i want to relocate back to Subang because i want to spend time with my dad. But now with my dad passing away , i guess the motivation is slightly different.

20% of me looking forward to my new pay !! But 80% of me feeling the resistant to change. 

I think few factors that i reluctant to change :

1. Hannah school and friends. Hannah's teachers in whytehouse are one of the best teachers especially the principle. Hannah is a very fussy eater and Ms Tan did put a lot of effort to try to change Hannah's eating behavior and now she eat things like eggs and tou foo. Hannah also have a whole bunch of evening friends that she enjoy playing with them every evening. Moving back to Subang means Hannah's have to start all over .

2. Current job and new job is both 2 different roles. Changing roles , changing boss , changing company is something huge than if possible i would like to avoid especially at this age. However at least the new job is something i hope i will enjoy better than current role. And my new job is damm far away !! 

3.New friendships all over again . I am going to miss my close friends here especially my steamboat friends , my makeup buddies , my minions friends ....i am going to miss their daily witty conversation so much. I do not know whether will i ever get the same bunch of very good friends in Subang.  

There's so many more things that i wish things remains the same and i wish i do not have to change. However i believe moving back to Subang is part of God's plan. Everything happens for a reason and everything was arrange accordingly. 

I guess i have to trust in him and continue to seek his guidance.

May the next 10 years in Subang will be another great chapter in my life .

Good bye Penang 

Subang !! I am coming back 

 

Going to this 

From this .... 

Bye Bye Daddy .

I lost one of the most important person last Monday 8 March 2021 at 1am. Daddy has lost his fight to cancer just less than 1 year. 

I clearly remember the day when daddy announce that he has cancer . All of us was sitting on the dining table working. He went to SJMC to collect the result from his biopsy and to review the result from the hospital. He was very calm when he inform us about the bad news. 

2 weeks ago , i got a call from mummy at7.30am in the morning . She ask me to come home fast as daddy might not have much time left. We rush back home to visit him at Pantai Hospital on 3 March 2021. He was already unconscious by that time. All of us are still having hope that he still will get well however Dr did ask us to prepare for the worst. 

Everyday we took turns to visit daddy and trying to encourage him to keep on fighting . On 5 March , mummy trigger us to inform the hospital to bring daddy home. Guess my uncle (mummy's bro) got a dream that my dad will be passing on soon. As a Buddhist practitioner , they do not want the body to be touch after death . We rush to arrange the ambulance , nursing care , oxygen tanks to bring daddy's home.  

Sunday morning, the nurse called me to say that daddy's pressure drop drastically. When i came down to daddy's room , i saw that his eye was already rolling up . The caretaker told us it most likely should not be long anymore. Mummy's and his temple mates was called to do some chanting .

The caretaker was telling us that daddy seems not to able to let go ..and seems that something is holding him back from moving on.

Throughout the whole day and night , we went to talk to him and to comfort him that everything will be taken care off when he is not around. I guess the last few hours , he was well aware . When i was talking to him , he was tearing. I guess maybe he knows he has to move on and will miss all of us here. 

Around 11pm , mummy pull me off and told me not to cry in front of him as he might not able to move on. Honestly i was a bit piss . I mean he is leaving and i am not allowed to cry with him together. I went up at 11something and daddy pass on around 1am .I guess he probably finally not able to hold on any longer because he was clenching his teeth when he leave.

The funeral was held for 3 days and 2 nights @Nirvana Shah Alam.

I know he wasn't in pain for the last few months till last week of his death. I am glad that God did not make him suffer in pain throughout his cancer journey. I am sad that my daddy have to leave us so early of his life. I was already found a job to move back to Subang. I guess my motivation is so that we all can spend more time together and able to take care of him when needed. Guess it's a bit too late 

Update on Daddy's cancer Journey 25 Jan 2021

 Daddy's cancer treatment is not looking well at all . Even with 2nd chemo treatment , is not looking well at all. The cancer cells does not react to any chemo and is killing of his cell slowly.

Last 2 weeks (12 Jan ) daddy was admitted again cause of  high fever and jaundice. He was discharge on 18 Jan . Physically he is not looking good at all. Daddy cannot even move at all, with few days in the hospital he get bed sores and when he was discharge on 18 Jan , he was on the wheelchair . He's body is deteriorating at a very fast rate. 

We rush home the next day when we found out that he was admitted.Did not manage to visit him as they do not allowed any visitors due to MCO and also because daddy's white blood cell is single digit. Thank god able to see him on the day he was discharge .

Being away in Penang makes me feel helpless and sad . I hope i able to be there for him soon and to share the burden with sis and mom. I am so thankful that Pei is there to bring him for all the treatment and hospital visit. Praying everyday  that my wish will come true soon. 

Last Friday (22 Jan) , daddy starts his 1 week of radiotherapy treatment . The scan shows rhat the number of cancer cell increases in his liver which explained why he is having jaundice. Now we are given 2 options , HITV and erdafitinib. Praying hard that at least one of them works