Biggest Phobia as a Mother -Over-Sacrificing

My babybump apps shows me that i still have 145 days to go before i officially become a "Mother".

I am married for around 5 years already and we just recently celebrated our 5th anniversary last week. 

I have been putting motherhood away for such a long time. Everytime everyone ask me when you planning to have a baby , i was like ...i'm waiting for the year of monkey. To the society , this is a much better answer than telling people that you hate children and never wants to have kids, 

Somehow years pass by very fast and suddenly this year is the year of the monkey.. and somehow these people remember mind answer to them last few years .

And Marcus also already pressing to start trying for a baby.Honestly we was trying during our Kyoto trip however when i found out im going to Regensburg , we stop trying.

Somehow God manage to find a way and bless up with this baby girl .

I was never one of those ladies who goes oooo and ahhhh on babies and never like to layan toddler or children.In my opinion children are just annoying and dirty and so are toddlers .(Just being honest here ya and don't judge). I am happy with having Shortie around to keep me company and having the freedom to spend all the time I wan and what i want to do with my money. 

My biggest phobia / worries of being a mother is I see that a lot of mother sacrifice so much for their children and family . Some mothers give up their full time job just to spend more time with their children growing up or spend all their time cleaning up , cooking and manage their children.There is nothing wrong with doing this if you don't regret them later .

However some mothers i observe , they give up everything for their children and when their kids grow up and seldom come home or don't give them any allowance when they are older , they tend to become bitter or depress. 

Some mothers fight over their husband because of their children and ended up having divorce or grow apart from each other. 

I know of some parents who life revolve around their children that they no longer spend time together as before marriage. 

I am worry that i become like that . Give up my time, my hobbies or time for my children that ended up me losing my individuality.

Overall the society especially mothers like to judge other mothers even before your child is born.Mothers are expected to sacrifice for everything and everyone. Mana boleh like that. 

One example, i tell everyone that i will only breastfeed for 2 months only and everyone was like why you treat your baby like this ..bla bla bla . Just damm annoying .. this is between me and my daughter and of course i know breastmilk is good and things like that but very mar fan to keep going out from production to pump . Camon , my mother and Marcus mom don't even breastfeed us and we turns out fine. 

Having a baby also lead to sacrifice of sleep for both parents but especially mother . I am also worried that when the baby comes along , we do not have time for each other anymore . 

Ended up , we hire a baby sitter to jaga our baby from Sun night until Friday night . And with this , everyone is judging us too.

Sometimes , just have to ignore what the whole world think and do what you think make yourself happy.I do not want to regret at my death bed that i give up learning make up because i want to bring my daughter to music class or regret that i did't go to Italy just because my daughter needs to attend school. You only live your life once . Do what make yourself happy !!